Sunday, November 23, 2008

to prove a point

Normally, this goes against my moral and ethical beliefs, but how else am i going to prove it?!
As you can see, i DO in fact, own a pair of Wii boxers, and i AM in fact, wearing them.
For those of you with any respect for me, You're nice! I like you!
For the rest of you. You probably should have seen this coming. I mean, You WERE warned! As an explanation... i was bored! That's all you ever need know.
Except for that these are my favourite boxers ever, unless i have to go for a run in them. Then they are like the worst ever.
While we are on the subject of my clothing... Actually never mind. I thought i had something to say, but i didn't really. move along, nothing to see here!
When you wrap yourself up with a big blanket, do you ever get the urge to just lie on the floor and fall asleep? I do. I was walking around in a blanket, and then i just decided to lie down for a while. My cat decided that it would be fun, so we had an impromptu sleep party on the ground. Hooray for sleep parties!

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Speed skating meet today. Then work. Then blogging. Then death.

Let's work in reverse alphabetical order shall we?


It was pretty uneventful today, just a four hour shift. The only redeeming things is that the christmas carols seemed to be broken today, and Fred Penner came and bought a dog leash! I thought i recognized him right when he was in the line, and then he handed me his card, and it said "fred penner" on it. And nobody had like three fistfuls of expired coupons for stuff they didn't actually buy.

Speed Skating.

So, i was going at like 35 km/h, and i hit my blades together. I flew like three metres, and then hit the boards, and stabbed myself in the leg. Then i fell in the Final too, and slid along the water.


So, this is the end i guess. I've given marginal thought to what happens next. I'd like there to be maybe a second life, or a 1-up system, but a zombie sounds cool too

Enough of that. This is like a week later, and i have bored of whatever i was writing there, I like stuff again. Except for that smug little video card. He thinks he is safe inside the computer. WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY. you aren't. As soon as i find where my mom hid the wrench and powertools, IT IS ON. And then we'll get a nice one, and play Laft 4 Dead! Hooray for zombies! While we're on the subject, I never really thought about how much i love pretzels. They're like nature's own snacks of goodness! Especially the straight kind, that haven't been twisted, because you can grab a big handful, and they all line up so you don't throw half of them on the floor.
If anyone feels in a charitable mood, look at the ads at the bottom and tell me if they are cool. I'm not allowed to click them, and i'm not even supposed to be telling you about them. It's against the rules, but for every click i get, i get a little bit of money, and when it reaches $100, i get a check in the mail! YAYY!
Ok, i'm done for now. Go find someone else's blog to read. There is a bag of pretzels who are calling my name.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


We've had snow here for around a week, and I'm pretty sure I've already got frostbite on my ears. AGAIN. They're in a perennial state of feeling kind of painful and looking a little bit red. They also hurt now and again. I should go find my head band or something. Later.
I also am pretty sure i got frostbite, but on my brain. And not from the cold. This would be because i had to stand around in Zellers for 8 hours listening to happy-fun Christmas carols the whole time. Except for the three to four minutes when they played the Simple Plan "Christmas carol". That's almost as bad. I was muttering "Caramelldansen" from like hour four. AND i get to go back again tomorrow! YAYYYY! Only this time, I'll be tired and probably a bit sore from being at the first speed skating meet all morning =D. Speed skating is the greatest. It's pretty much turning left, going fast, and racing other people all rolled into one! Also when you fall you're all "oh crap." then you hit the wall going 30km/h, and it's all "WHUMPH!" and everyone in the whole fieldhouse can hear it because it's way too loud for it's own good. Then all the people in the stands are all "ahhh!" and there is an aghast silence until you get up and kind of shake yourself off, and then go slowly. Maybe I'll take my camera and take pictures while I'm there. Then you can see the happy-funness of it all.
Now i'm off to bed. because there isn't much left in my brain after the aforementioned torture that it was put through. It feels like you played WoW all day, then did handstands for like an hour, and then you sat there eating pretzels while some jerks ran around screaming, and hitting each other with your stuff, and yelling "RAPE" and trying to anally penetrate each other with assorted household objects. And then they found the pots and pans...
In fact, that is EXACTLY what it feels like. Don't ask me to relive the circumstances of said trauma, but it was pretty loud, and traumatic. And it'll mess you up good for like a day or two at the least.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


This would be the post where i do all of the things that people say 'why don't you write about it in your blog?' seriously or for reals. I've got a pretty extensive to do list it seems. I've only had it for like a month! Let's see. Where to start...

This part is for somebody who thinks that i write my blog to "my readers" in case she can't find it, i'll be sure to include her email later so the "readers" can launch a massive attack on her inbox (Incidentally, massive attack is a pretty good band.) I haven't a clue who my audience or "readers" really are. Find me somebody who is pretty nerdy, but likes to go running FOR FUN, and plays more video games than is really healthy. Also make them pretty misanthropic, because in my experiences, most people are generally meanie-pantses who although they MEAN the best, they're stupid. So really i guess, go clone me and then show them this. I would get a kick out of it if you told me i was a clone and showed me my clone's blog. If you went back in time, and hung out with yourself, would you have a split conciousness, or would past-you be a totally different entity, who you wouldn't really know what they were thinking. So really, my blog is for the reality-challenged. To actually get the whole LaToP experience, you must have the gleam of insanity in your eyes. The kind that ends worlds. You must have met the old man at the waterfall. And mastered using it. Then you can have this. And NO red shirts allowed. Also, if you rate things on a binary scale, then you pretty much win in my books forever. Maybe i should keep a highscore.

Now, for a return to the LaToP of "olde". I suppose i should give out some random quote to base your life on or tell you which song is my favourite for this week. Also, i now have the power to put random files up for grabs on the real internet! hooray! This week, the song is "Swim" by In Flames. For the like two of you suckas who think that In Flames suck, beat it. This is my blog, so that means i can play God whenever i feel like it. You don't like it, fine. Go whine about it in your blog. Quote: "Sometimes i put money in my jacket pocket so i can forget about it and find it later." I forget who said it, but i heard it from my cousin. Here is a picture. Personally, i think it's hilarious. It brightens my day every time somebody is a jerk to me. Which is frequently.

And NOW, for the fabled PAUL AWARDS!!! woohoo! happy day! hoorays! all that jazz.

I suppose i should give out a whole bunch because it's been a while. How does "nutmeg" sound? too many? No?? Alright then.

First, the Noob Award goes to..... I suppose Kowaomote Because she's the last person who left a comment besides me. Reading blogs is fun. Especially when that's the only way you ever know somebody.

Then the Unusual award goes to Caleb, who unfortunately doesn't read this i think. World's greatest "that's what she said" joke. We were waiting for this guy to get out of the way with his forklift. Then i was like 'okay, i'm going in.' then Caleb was all "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!" "ooh oooh!" and cheered himself on in this manner. Then the forklift guy was like "i'm pretty sure that 'she' wouldn't do that. is SHE a hermaphrodite?" Then Caleb was like "oh noesies! Noo! i didn't mean it like that! nooooooooo!"

Then the Tool Award goes to.... THE SPADE! that's right, the spade is now the proud owner of a paul award. And most of you aren't! i guess you get fail out of ten! And you do have to admit, the spade is a pretty useful instrument. it's got so many creative uses! you can dig a hole! Use it for a large bowl of jello! Smash some moron's head in! Use it for your coal furnace! a friend when you're in need! a handle to lean on!

Fourthly, the Mean Award goes to... Quinn! just because. I'm not really supposed to say any more than this, but helen. You know why. For the rest of you, Too bad! it violates the terms of service, i don't want to have another happy fun adventure battling the forces of Google and Blogger because they think i don't exist again.

Fifth is the Extreme Award, which goes to all those lucky bastards who are standing in line right now for Wrath of the Lich King. I wish that i could find the time/money to be cool like them. It's not even cold out though, so they win more like the "Kind of okay Award" but that has too many words.

Finally is the Surprise Award, which goes to... You guys! Hahahahahah! i bet you thought i was gonna say something like "Genius Award" or something didn't you? Maybe the "Green Award"? or the "Gregarious"? Well, if you are feeling like you're missing something by now, look at the first letter of each award and then spell "nutmeg". The Trick is, that you're supposed to catch on BEFORE this one, and then i laugh because you thought i was going to do something that a normal smartass would do! Surprise!

And lastly, the Paul Award, goes to Maegwin. I suppose it's kind of like being Machiavellian, but more like "Paulian" or "Paulese". So better in every way, except not as vindictive. It mainly goes to her because she FINALLY decided that not talking to Paul was vastly inferior to talking to Paul. I talk to Paul all the time, and it does WONDERS for my sanity, and general presence of mind. As in, you wonder where my sanity is gone, and why my mind and my brain are fighting again.

I decided to start a new blog. It's called "Fascbook", and it's pretty much about how facebook is the great devil of our time. Some guys like Osama and Obama, are kind of misunderstood sometimes, but really they just want us to see the great evil that we have let into our lives by "getting facebook". It should start on "Like Friday".

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Mental Images = End in BAD

So, pretty much the last couple days are the worst ever. Especially because my mind decided to stop thinking in like words, so I'm having an internal dialog, but instead decided that it would be more productive if i started thinking more along the lines of happy-fun pictures. Brain pictures are not happy fun. NOT PRETTY, NOO!
Right now i'm stuck with particularily pleasing ones. and by pleasing i of course mean "traumatic" and by particularily i clearly mean "not okay" by "ones" i also of course mean that my brain is a little to fast for it's own good. If anyone finds a Ctrl+Alt+Delete for the brain, let me know. Or if you happen to have any steak knives lying around.
This is an amazing blog by the way. If this seems out of character, that's because the Idiot just kind of walked in and wrote stuff while i was gone. Rather than delete it, or expose you to the horrors of his idiocy, i just kind of edit it. You would ALL be laughing quite a lot if you read the stuff he managed to delete. "I have a two inch penis, blah blah blah, feel sorry for me etc." becomes "I have a twelve metre penis, la la la, i pity you. etc." As you can see, neither of these stories is true, because twelve metres is kind of far. Most people can't jump that high, so it makes "bed time" a little awkward... Have fun with those mental images.
Or try to get away from them like fat kids try to get to cake at a party. Clawing through children, biting adults in the bathing suit area, and generally doing things that are uncalled for and considered "impolite" in public. Except you're a fat kid, IN SPANDEX.
Enough images for now though. i could tell you stories that would straighten your hair and dye it black. They would also make you think that life sucks, even though most of you have nothing to be sad over. The others, you know who you are. BE ASHAMED.
For one last mental image. trying to think of these things is like when you're working at a till in Zellers and a really fat lady comes up and buys a whole bunch of lingerie. Or a hairy bum. It's very unpleasant, and once you see it, NOTHING is the same.
For those of you who don't go outside, for fear of the Machines/Zombies/Sun, it snowed here. Then it froze. Then it became ice, which i spent BLOODY AGES scraping off of my sidewalk.
Now that's all i have for you. Go look at something hideous on the internet and think about it for the rest of the day. I'm sure most of you are creative, but for those who aren't here are some suggestions. Tub Girl, 2 girls one cup, goatse. Google images it.