Wednesday, November 12, 2008


This would be the post where i do all of the things that people say 'why don't you write about it in your blog?' seriously or for reals. I've got a pretty extensive to do list it seems. I've only had it for like a month! Let's see. Where to start...

This part is for somebody who thinks that i write my blog to "my readers" in case she can't find it, i'll be sure to include her email later so the "readers" can launch a massive attack on her inbox (Incidentally, massive attack is a pretty good band.) I haven't a clue who my audience or "readers" really are. Find me somebody who is pretty nerdy, but likes to go running FOR FUN, and plays more video games than is really healthy. Also make them pretty misanthropic, because in my experiences, most people are generally meanie-pantses who although they MEAN the best, they're stupid. So really i guess, go clone me and then show them this. I would get a kick out of it if you told me i was a clone and showed me my clone's blog. If you went back in time, and hung out with yourself, would you have a split conciousness, or would past-you be a totally different entity, who you wouldn't really know what they were thinking. So really, my blog is for the reality-challenged. To actually get the whole LaToP experience, you must have the gleam of insanity in your eyes. The kind that ends worlds. You must have met the old man at the waterfall. And mastered using it. Then you can have this. And NO red shirts allowed. Also, if you rate things on a binary scale, then you pretty much win in my books forever. Maybe i should keep a highscore.

Now, for a return to the LaToP of "olde". I suppose i should give out some random quote to base your life on or tell you which song is my favourite for this week. Also, i now have the power to put random files up for grabs on the real internet! hooray! This week, the song is "Swim" by In Flames. For the like two of you suckas who think that In Flames suck, beat it. This is my blog, so that means i can play God whenever i feel like it. You don't like it, fine. Go whine about it in your blog. Quote: "Sometimes i put money in my jacket pocket so i can forget about it and find it later." I forget who said it, but i heard it from my cousin. Here is a picture. Personally, i think it's hilarious. It brightens my day every time somebody is a jerk to me. Which is frequently.

And NOW, for the fabled PAUL AWARDS!!! woohoo! happy day! hoorays! all that jazz.

I suppose i should give out a whole bunch because it's been a while. How does "nutmeg" sound? too many? No?? Alright then.

First, the Noob Award goes to..... I suppose Kowaomote Because she's the last person who left a comment besides me. Reading blogs is fun. Especially when that's the only way you ever know somebody.

Then the Unusual award goes to Caleb, who unfortunately doesn't read this i think. World's greatest "that's what she said" joke. We were waiting for this guy to get out of the way with his forklift. Then i was like 'okay, i'm going in.' then Caleb was all "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!" "ooh oooh!" and cheered himself on in this manner. Then the forklift guy was like "i'm pretty sure that 'she' wouldn't do that. is SHE a hermaphrodite?" Then Caleb was like "oh noesies! Noo! i didn't mean it like that! nooooooooo!"

Then the Tool Award goes to.... THE SPADE! that's right, the spade is now the proud owner of a paul award. And most of you aren't! i guess you get fail out of ten! And you do have to admit, the spade is a pretty useful instrument. it's got so many creative uses! you can dig a hole! Use it for a large bowl of jello! Smash some moron's head in! Use it for your coal furnace! a friend when you're in need! a handle to lean on!

Fourthly, the Mean Award goes to... Quinn! just because. I'm not really supposed to say any more than this, but helen. You know why. For the rest of you, Too bad! it violates the terms of service, i don't want to have another happy fun adventure battling the forces of Google and Blogger because they think i don't exist again.

Fifth is the Extreme Award, which goes to all those lucky bastards who are standing in line right now for Wrath of the Lich King. I wish that i could find the time/money to be cool like them. It's not even cold out though, so they win more like the "Kind of okay Award" but that has too many words.

Finally is the Surprise Award, which goes to... You guys! Hahahahahah! i bet you thought i was gonna say something like "Genius Award" or something didn't you? Maybe the "Green Award"? or the "Gregarious"? Well, if you are feeling like you're missing something by now, look at the first letter of each award and then spell "nutmeg". The Trick is, that you're supposed to catch on BEFORE this one, and then i laugh because you thought i was going to do something that a normal smartass would do! Surprise!

And lastly, the Paul Award, goes to Maegwin. I suppose it's kind of like being Machiavellian, but more like "Paulian" or "Paulese". So better in every way, except not as vindictive. It mainly goes to her because she FINALLY decided that not talking to Paul was vastly inferior to talking to Paul. I talk to Paul all the time, and it does WONDERS for my sanity, and general presence of mind. As in, you wonder where my sanity is gone, and why my mind and my brain are fighting again.

I decided to start a new blog. It's called "Fascbook", and it's pretty much about how facebook is the great devil of our time. Some guys like Osama and Obama, are kind of misunderstood sometimes, but really they just want us to see the great evil that we have let into our lives by "getting facebook". It should start on "Like Friday".


Laura Metcalfe said...


Though I'm not sure what about this inspired this particular outpouring of sentiment.

Paul said...

haha, i'm EVERYONE'S hero. On a side note, here is the more hidden part of the blog, because it's the part that nobody can figure out how to get to apparently. Except for me. I got ten FREE days of WoW and Burning Crusade! it's like having Christmas, my Birthday, and Christmas on my Birthday! I'm probably going to use it sometime next week, once i'm done that moronic WL essay >_< Then i will disappear from the Internet Public for Ten Days, and fast for ten days.
Kind of like Jesus, but only ten days, and i'll still probably be going to school.

K o w a o m o t e said...

This entry was awesome.
I love that jacket pocket quote!! I do that a lot and I never remember that I put it in there.

Nice. I get the n00b award. I should show it off on my internet shelf somewhere.

Haha, fascbook. I have never understood facebook and I don't like it...
But I joined it.

Paul said...

I'd save those awards all of you. Maybe go to a Trophy store and get it in a plaque or something. They're highly undervalued right now, but just wait. In like three years, just kind of walk into someplace and the guy there will be like "ummm you have to pay." or they'll be all "no shirt no service, now beat it ya dirty bum!" and then you guys will be all "no, it's okay, i have a Paul Award. See? it's right here!" and then the guy will be all "oh sorry. i should have known. How may i help you? a shirt perhaps? here take mine. Or better yet, let me sow you one by hand! No, no. it's totally free! A friend of Paul's is a friend of mine!"

K o w a o m o t e said...

I laughed so hard at your comment.
It's nice to be respected. Just what I deserve.

Speaking of waiting...
What you just said reminds me of what I'm doing to the "Beatles Bubble Gum" wrapper hanging on my wall. I'm waiting until all the members pass away and sell it.
Patience is worth it.
(And only 2 more members to go!)

Paul said...

haha, that is roughly the weirdest thing i have heard of since ten minutes ago, when i read about "manpons"

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